The wedding was lovely and the honeymoon amazing, but now the newlyweds are coming home to step into the reality of what it means to be married. Here are several hurdles that you can watch out for that can help you to grow in love and understanding with each other.
1. Married Fighting
Whether it’s a little snapping or an all out screaming match, fights will happen. It may be about something little like leaving your laundry next to the basket, or something as serious as lying to each other. As you adjust to living with one another and step out of the bubble of what you imagined marriage to be into the reality
of mundane tasks and getting along, use these fights to figure out how to communicate better. Learning what words to avoid (“never” or “always”), allowing time to cool off, and paying attention to what your partner is trying to communicate are things that it takes time and experience to learn.
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2. Dealing With Family
You may have some in-laws that are not as fond of you as your spouse is, or vice versa. Or perhaps you are just noticing a little tension as your family and his family battle over who gets you guys for Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, etc. Learning to coordinate schedules, ignore personal jabs, and get used to the quirks of another family that your spouse has already gotten used to (and may even share similar idiosyncrasies with) can be a challenge. The important thing is for the two of you to decide together how to handle situations
. Talk together about how you feel, and both learn how to say no to their families.
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3. Learning to Finance
Money is one of the biggest things that can cause a rift between a husband and wife. Dealing with different budgets
, spending tendencies, purchasing desires, and trying to turn it all into one plan for two people can get tricky and cause a lot of disagreements. Saving money up into an emergency fund first off is important, and always be smart enough to not spend money you don’t have. Talk to each other about the finances, what your budgets are, and keep each other accountable. When you go to make any kind of big purchase you need to do it together and be sure it’s something you both are ready for and agree on. It will take time to learn how to save and spend together. But as with everything, talking about it and coming to an agreement is how you learn.
Photo Credit: True Photography
4. Hanging With Friends
You need to both make sure to continue your relationships with your friends after the wedding
. Now that you are married, the dynamic may end up changing between you and some of your single friends, so be sensitive to them and not always talk about your wedding and wonderful married life. Ask and listen to them talk about their lives, and show an interest in what is going on outside of your life. Show your friends that you still care about them by not allowing you and your spouse to become isolated. Host a dinner party at your house when you’re ready, and make some time for girls and guys night out.
Photo Credit: Cory Parris
5. Talking to Each Other
Lack of communication
can really put a lot of strain on a marriage. When the couple is dishonest, either by outright lying or just omitting truths, that can cause a lot of damage. Shutting down and refusing to talk about things is a dangerous pattern to get into. So talk about everything, from the day that you had at work to the hard issues between each other that you can’t figure out how to get past. Don’t go complaining to friends and family about what your spouse does before you talk to them, and don’t leave resentment building up. Always, always talk to each other.
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6. Starting Routines
As you two step into the rhythm of work schedules, activities and home life, you may begin to develop a routine. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re not careful you could find yourself going through the motions of the marriage. Mundane life is going to come, but you don’t have to let the spark die
. Have date nights on a regular basis, and try to plan a special romantic outing whenever you can get away. Write each other love letters, leave flowers on the bed, buy a intimate gift. Do things to shake up the routine and remind each other that you care.
Photo Credit: lanedittoe.com
7. Baby Talk
It’s important to really build the foundation of your marriage before you jump into having children. Starting a family is amazing, but it completely changes the dynamic of your marriage and your life. So establish yourself as a married couple before rushing into having children. Talk about how many kids you want and when you want to start your family. Let it be something you discuss, but give yourselves time to learn from each other and grow before complicating things by having kids.
What to Expect After the Wedding
The wedding was lovely and the honeymoon amazing, but now the newlyweds are coming home to step into the reality of what it means to be married.
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